This year was not a good year for me. For the first time in my life I truly feel lost. All my life I studied. Literally. All I did before was really just get from one school to another and when I got kicked out of the last one where I was trying to get my Masters Degree, my life just lost all its purpose. Suddenly there was no plan and just so many roads to go.
What am I going to do with my life now?? I did not know anything. I didn´t know what I want to do. I had no clue. At that moment I just wanted to get out. To leave behind the feeling of failure that I felt all the time and especially as I have to come home with nothing and look my parents in the eyes. During my studies I only worked at few part-time jobs (to have more time to focus on studying ofc) and so I did not really have any proper job experience. I needed a change with a big C so I decided to take my friends advice and go to England. My English was not bad but far from useful so I worked there as a housekeeper for eight months. It was a good experience but now I just can´t help feeling like I wasted so much time and I have nothing and done nothing that matters. Do you really put housekeeping in your CV next to your Bachelors degree?
I have been home for two months now. The sad truth is that I still have no idea what I want to do. I am even writing this post to keep me from what should be my every day content - looking for a job. I just have no idea what am I looking for so I am just scrolling through it all looking for excuses.
How do you know? How can I find out what I am supposed to do? How can I get that job? I studied tourism and loved it for the most part but now I think I just loved the learning process, all the new information about countries and cultures and habits... Working in the hotel showed me that probably I am not the best person to work in there. I like working with people but when I see all the job offers seeking "open sparkling self-confident" people I know that is just not me.
So what I have to do in 2015? Figure it all out. Find a new dream. New passion. Follow that dream. Or just find a job. Any job. That won´t drive me crazy too much. And will pay the bills.
“Tomorrow, is the first blank page of a 365 page book. Write a good one.”
― Brad Paisley.
And that scares me like hell.
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